Judas Got a Bad Rap

This morning I resurrected, (too soon?) my mom's vinyl of Jesus Christ Superstar and did some rocking out. Every time I listen to this soundtrack, I'm finding myself gravitating towards the track "Heaven On Their Minds." First of all, it's an amazing song. Movie-Judas did such a better job than Album-Judas. Yet I'm already digressing.

I firmly believe that Judas got a bad rap. Okay, okay... I know what you're going to say. "But what about the whole selling Jesus out to the Romans thing?" Okay, I'll admit that was a little shady. But quite honestly, Judas had Jesus' back up until that point.

Judas did nothing but believe in Jesus' word and truth. He pushed Jesus to be a better man and warned him to stay on target, to not let his celebrity persona override the real message. The followers, literally, had too much Heaven on their minds. Instead of preaching the message and trying to do good in the world, they followed Jesus and held him above all.

Yet when he was caught, (okay, be it Judas that led him to this), his followers turned on him. Judas never stopped believing that what they were fighting for was for truth and understanding. He just thought Jesus was not doing what he set out to do. And when Judas got to his wits' end, he commited an act of betrayal. But can you imagine believing in your message so much and seeing it begin to unravel? Not only that, but feeling like your leader isn't doing all that he can? You'd get angry too.

And if you disagree with this, that's cool too. Neither one of us were there, so I can't really argue with you. Regardless, please enjoy, "Heaven On Their Minds."



Plus Movie-Judas is smokin' hot, one thing he was never found guilty of.

Drunk History

I just discovered this absolutely amazing video series called "Drunk History." Each episode, they tape one of their drunk friends talking about an historical event. Then they reenact the scene using some pretty amazing actors.

This is my favorite one... Watch the gripping tale of Oney Judge.



Amazing.

If Hospitals Were Run Like Airplanes

Good Morning, America has a tendency to show the same things over and over again. Take for instance the plane crashing into the Hudson. They love this clip. Just about every week, they have some new take on this event.

This week, for example, was about how hospitals should be run more like airplanes. That airplanes are so efficient and everyone has to be quick to act on their feet. Basically, that doctors need to be running a tight ship. I thought this was hilarious, as I imagined what they were going to compare it to next week. Maybe how Obama should be more aviation-minded.

So, back when I thought I was going to die, I went to the doctor a lot. My claims of dizziness for no reason led doctors to believe I had low blood pressure, low blood sugar, pregnancy or that I was capable of seizures... The latest, in interesting things to rule out, happened to by Lymes Disease. Okay, fine. Rule that out too. I don't recall any fraternizing with ticks, but fine. Do what you gotta do.

This was months ago and shortly after, I began to receive bills for this test. My new insurance, not having been fully kicked in at the time of the appointment, was then instated and was going to be retroactive before the time of the appointment. So I began filling out forms to file, and sending them back in. Only I'd get another one. Thinking I was just getting duplicates, I'd fill it out again and send it back.

I get a notice that says that I might be in danger of being sent to a debt collector. I call them this morning to find out what's been going on.

"Well, we haven't received anything from you."
"I've sent in this information twice now."
"Well, we don't have anything. Where did you send it?"
"I sent it to Mt. Sinai hospital, where the addressed envelope in which you provided me guided me along."
"Well, I'm the only one who opens them and I haven't received anything from you."
"So you mean to tell me that not only have you not received your self-addressed envelope in which I mailed, apparently just to you, but you haven't received two of them?"
"Correct."
"And not only have you not received them, but now I have two pieces of mail floating out in cosmos with all of my personal information and signature on?"
"Correct."

I almost went into debt over a test for Lymes Disease. Really? A tick bite?
I live in New York City. I can't even remember the last time I saw a fucking tree.
Are you kidding me?

Hospitals really should take a note from Captain Sullenberger. I'd trust my life and threat of impending debt with Sully any day of the week.

Beam Me Up, Thommy.

I finally got around to seeing this.... And I'm into it.

Radiohead - 15 Step
by Alisvideo

Big time.

Hertzfeldt Friday's

What Of It?

Apparently the movie Twilight left an impression, for I found myself standing in Barnes and Noble yesterday searching for the series in paperbook.

Fiction? Nope.

New Fiction? Hmm.

Mystery? That's weird.

Sci-Fi? Still, no.

I do a computer search....

Teen Fiction.

Teen. Fiction.

That's not the sad part. I bought the first two books in the series only to discover there were two more. The next question I asked myself, "Do I just buy the box set?"

I felt a certain degree of shame and disgust at my ways while walking out of the store, the cover pressed to myself as to not illustrate that I was purchasing said books.

Try reading a 400 page teen romance novel on the L train. Difficult. Yet I press on... These Vampires aren't going to bite themselves.

Wait, that didn't make any sense.

Immortality Never Looked So Good

I honestly don't know how to begin my thoughts on the movie Twilight. The first half of the movie was spent trying to figure out if I liked it. And up until the credits rolled, I wondered how long I'd have to wait until the sequel.

At the end of the day, it's a teen movie. But Katie Dulin has never been one to turn down a teen movie, especially when romance is involved. Especially if you throw in a dash of everlasting life and you know I'm pulling myself up to the table to try this.

Twilight arrived from Netflix and I found myself curled up in the dark, greatly anticipating what I felt I knew was coming. The inevitable scene where the hot Vampire bites his beloved and they can finally have the kind of love making that only immortality can bring.

While that scene never took place, a lot of other things did. Let's take for example, say, the rest of the plot. Edward Cullen, AKA Hotty McHotFangs, spends the first half of the movie telling Bella Swan he has to stay away from her. She's the most desirable prey to one that has given up the taste for human blood, referring to himself as a vegetarian of the Vampire world.

Bella has to be the most masochistic woman on the planet. This sexy Vampire does nothing but tell her he doesn't want to see her, to stay away from him.

"I'm a killer."

"I don't believe that."

"I can't be destroyed."

"I'm fine with that."

"Seriously...I will totally kill you."

"No, Edward. I'm into this."

I can't fully blame her. How cool would it be to date someone who fly?

Edward takes Bella home to meet the rest of his Vegetarian Vampire Family and the only thing they constantly remark on is how great she smells. Edward eventually has to lead her out of the room as his entire family is waiting down in the kitchen, ready to eat her.

Throughout the movie, Bella keeps suggesting that all of this pain could be over. We all know what the little tramp is hinting at. Just bite her already! Just make her one of your own! Just get down to pure Vampire physics here and whip out those pearly whites. Why, the first moment Edward laid eyes on Bella in Biology class, he had, (what I've been referring to) as a Vampire Hard-On. Seriously, he had to cover his mouth.

I laughed and laughed.

So here I am, a full day after watching Twilight and while I thought there were so many funny elements to this story, I can't get it out of my head. Perhaps it's the masochist in me that wants to see Bella finally succumb to the sweet death that lay in Edward's teeth. I hear tale of a werewolf fight in the sequel. Honestly, people, let's get down to brass taxes. I'm in this for the bodice ripping, let's get on with it.

If immortality is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Hertzfeldt Monday

I said I'd do these on Friday. But now I'm braindead and want to submit this as the only logical thought in my head, which of course is not logical. Thus highlighting what's happening in my brain space at the moment. Not a lot.



You Tube keeps suggesting I watch fishing videos, which I keep watching for some reason.

Feel the Rush!

The following is a scientific experiment based on the research conducted on the claimed 6-Hour Energy Shot. Don't be confused...this is not the 5-Hour Energy Shot, it's the 6.

While I'm quick to doubt the claims made by athletes on what works for them, I felt it was time to quell my opposition and instead decide for myself. Any good scientist will tell you that they need a lab partner. I chose the notable Greg Volk for the job. The two of us decided on a starting time and agreed to transcribe our findings from our separate laboratories.

Let me first describe what is being promised to us, the consumer. They tell us it will work blazing fast, that it contains zero sugar and from that, we will benefit from a no-sugar crash. These 2 oz contain only 5 calories, which leads me to question how it's able to squeeze in so many ingredients such as 1.6g of Blazing Focus, 460mg of Extreme Energy Tech and 3mg of Herbal Scorch.

I'm going to splice in our individual documented findings as well as instant messenger conversations to more appropriately give our readers a sense of its scientific affects. Buckle up.

Greg: (10:56 am) Initial Thoughts – the bottle is on fire. Fire’s energetic, right? Looking at the trademarked ingredients, it’s got “Blazing Focus,” “Extreme Energy Technology,” and “Herbal Scorch.” They lost me with that last one. Sounds like some sort of condition you’d pick up camping. New flavor “Blueberry Raspberry Blast!” What was the old flavor? Doesn’t matter now. Here we go…

Katie: (11:00 am) After I broke open the box containing the bottle of energy shot, I noticed it said, “Brace Yourself” behind the bottle. I’m not sure if this is a good sign or not. Needless to say, I’m bracing myself.

Greg: (11:02 am) The “easy open” tab is not… Smells like candy. Katie’s probably so pumped right now. Took it down in one shot. Doesn’t taste all that bad. Very sugary for something containing no sugar. I’m sure whatever it is instead has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals (that’s how you know it works!). Kind of like thick Kool Aid meets one of those plastic sleeve frozen popsicles. Let the energy begin…

Katie: (11:01 am) I’m still trying to open the bottle. I feel jittery at the thought of me feeling more jittery in a minute, so maybe my hands just don’t work. This should be interesting.

Greg: (11:10 am) Okay. I’m feeling something. Maybe it’s my hangover coffee buzz or an artificiallyflavored placebo, but something’s happening. I probably can’t emphasize enough how unscientific this is.

Katie: (11:07 am) That was tangy. Like cotton candy in liquid form mixed with what I liked about Triaminic as a kid. I didn’t so much shoot it, as I did sip it. I’ve never been able to shoot anything. I like to think that I enjoy tastes and need more time.

Greg: (11:11 am) Reinstalling Firefox. What the hell happened to all my bookmarks? Has nothing to do with this, but I thought you should know.

Katie: (11:14 am) I’m seeing spots.

bidnessgreg (11:15:03 AM): spots, huh?
KatieCDulin (11:15:20 AM): maybe i'm making this up. but shit feels weird.
bidnessgreg (11:15:32 AM): that sucks
bidnessgreg (11:15:41 AM): i too am feeling something
bidnessgreg (11:15:47 AM): but i think it may be in my head
KatieCDulin (11:15:47 AM): haha...maybe this wasn't a great idea.
bidnessgreg (11:16:04 AM): however, i think on the whole, it's a bunch of synthetic sugar
bidnessgreg (11:16:12 AM): and most likely nothing will happen
KatieCDulin (11:16:13 AM): yeah...it's way too tangy to not having something in it
bidnessgreg (11:16:33 AM): no sugar, no caffeine, no crash
bidnessgreg (11:16:37 AM): so what does it have?
KatieCDulin (11:16:44 AM): a lot of other shit.
bidnessgreg (11:16:46 AM): yeah
KatieCDulin (11:16:58 AM): how's your hangover?
bidnessgreg (11:17:17 AM): taking a back seat to my energy buzz!
KatieCDulin (11:17:37 AM): yeah, perhaps i should embrace this newfound jumpiness.
bidnessgreg (11:17:47 AM): let's assume this does work
bidnessgreg (11:17:55 AM): sitting at a desk is probably not the best use
KatieCDulin (11:18:03 AM): probably not. jogging? possibly.
bidnessgreg (11:18:09 AM): i think a brisk walk
bidnessgreg (11:18:10 AM): or dancing
KatieCDulin (11:18:14 AM): true
KatieCDulin (11:18:19 AM): both of these things i can do at lunch
bidnessgreg (11:18:24 AM): by the way, we should save this IM conversation and put it in our thing
KatieCDulin (11:18:31 AM): done and doner.
KatieCDulin (11:19:02 AM): now i have an overwhelming urge to sound more witty
bidnessgreg (11:19:20 AM): don't get too in your head
bidnessgreg (11:19:30 AM): you'll psyche yourself out
bidnessgreg (11:19:41 AM): just let the drink do the work, man
KatieCDulin (11:20:08 AM): let the soothing cotton candy-like synthetic taste wash over you
bidnessgreg (11:20:26 AM): i heard it intensifies it if you drink orange juice
KatieCDulin (11:20:48 AM): i think we just formed a new cult.
bidnessgreg (11:21:00 AM): a very productive cult
KatieCDulin (11:21:44 AM): one that includes a lot of organizing.

Greg: (12:02 pm) I just learned that Extreme 6 Hour Blast Off Energy Shot (I just decided I’m going to change the name each time since I can’t remember it anyway) has the caffeine equivalent of 2 cups of coffee (this makes it slightly less exotic). I’m definitely feeling the coffee jitters, and I can tell you the aftertaste of 6 Hour Hi-Powered NRG Liquid is equally as displeasing as that of coffee. Still contemplating what I’m going to do with my extra hour of energy. 5 Hour Energy Drink is for suckas! Remember that movie “I’m gonna git you sucka”? Do I hear “long-awaited sequel”? Okay, I’m going to stop typing now.

Katie: (12:00 pm) I’m becoming very aware of my surroundings. Like noises hurt. Someone’s duct taping a box together down the hall and it’s a lingering sound that I’m replaying over and over again. My heart is a racing a bit. Perhaps I should be doing what they’re doing on television. Like fishing or playing basketball. Sitting at your desk isn’t as conducive to an explosion of energy, as say, being in a race car.

Greg: (12:36 pm) Feeling mostly normal. Starting to think about what I’m going to have for lunch. Should probably be something high in calories and protein to keep up with my supercharged metabolism, on account of my ¼ Of A Day Power Pack Juice and all. I’m thinking burrito … or 12 oz. rib eye.

Katie: (12:16 pm) I think I’m inventing symptoms. Like my neck is itchy.

Katie: (12:38 pm) I slept 8 hours last night and woke up feeling pretty great. Right now, I feel like I’ve sat up all night drinking and I’ve replaced vital fluids with sugar as I way to mask a hangover that I don’t have. I don’t feel awesome and don’t so much feel like jogging this off as I do just simply not feeling this way anymore.

Greg: (1:42 pm) Turkey sandwich. Boring. I’m just going to go ahead and say I feel completely normal. Maybe I’ll have a caffeine crash later. I’m now realizing that the bottle says “no sugar crash…” but nothing about caffeine. Then again, now is normally when I enter a food coma and get depressed because it’s hours before I get to look forward to food again. (Yes, I use food like a drug). And right now I feel fine, so maybe my normal feeling is abnormal. That sound you just heard is your brain exploding.

Katie: (1:51 pm) An hour has passed without me noticing. I’ve done nothing productive but a failed attempt at a crossword puzzle, which isn’t a surprise as I’ve never been that great at crossword puzzles. I’ve waited too long to eat as this seems to given me the feeling that food isn’t necessary. It feels like my blood vessels have been replaced with sludge. But again that’s no surprise as I often forget to eat. Instead I replace common human needs with the ability to make poor choices….like this un-fun game of testing a 6 hour energy shot.

Greg: (2:48 pm) Yeah, I’m not going to make it. I’m gonna be in the Hudson. (Read: crashhhhhhh).

Katie: (2:35 pm) As long as I keep eating, I think I’ll make it through the next 3 hours.

Greg: (3:29 pm) Maybe some gum will help revive me. At only 5 calories per piece, it’s great when you want a boost but know you probably shouldn’t snack, or at least that’s what the “Biggest Loser” on NBC told me. (At least I haven’t lost my “edge.”)

Katie: (3:24 pm) I’ve run out of things to snack on…instead I’m focusing my efforts on compiling the data into a blog. This act has caused extreme fatigue and I’m finding it difficult to spell words correctly on the first try. So much for the focused energy they promised me. If I were driving a race car right now, I'd be dead.

Greg: (4:13 pm) I feel icky. Am I asleep yet?

Katie: (4:24 pm) I’m becoming mentally aware that I’m nearing the end of this 6 hours of suck. My ears are ringing. I’m going home soon to revaluate my decisions.

Greg: (4:25 pm) I am NOT tired.

Katie: (4:35 pm) I saw they're making 80 hour Energy mouth sprays. I hope they eventually make life-long energy drinks. I wonder if anyone has died from this. I hope it's not me.

Greg: (4:47 pm) Was that only 6 hours? It felt like 12. I need a naps.

Katie: (4:50 pm) I'm staring at the words "Dietary Supplement" on the box. Next time I'm just drinking a sixer and swallowing a box of razors. Goodnight.

My Heightened Fear of Cats

I've always been a bit skittish around cats. You just don't know what they're thinking. From the whole "jump at any time" thing to the fact that they can claw you without notice.

I had quite a lovable cat named Toonces when I was little. She acted more like a dog than a cat. She cried at the door when she wanted to go to the bathroom. She would play fetch with bouncy balls. She slept at the foot of my bed and sat on my brother's shoulder when he'd walk around the house. Toonces was the best cat ever until it drank antifreeze out of my neighbor's car and we had to put her down. Forgive me if I'm bitter. No cat can compare to Toonces.

So I've put a wall around my pet-loving heart when it comes to cats. They're just so unpredictable. Not to mention haughty! I have to work for your affection? This is boring.

Last night I dreamt of a school for Cats with Disabilities. Only the point of view I was seeing it from, was behind the camera as this was apparently a fun-loving news report of this amazing school for Cats with Disabilities.

"Over here we have Mr. Whiskers." Mr. Whiskers had spikes coming out of his skin.

"Let's not forget Goggles." Goggles the cat had human eye balls.

"And how 'bout that Oscar?" Oscar sweat human sweat.

I woke up a bit terrified. I'm always a bit on edge when I know there's a cat around. Unless it's willing to forgo its feigned modesty and jump into my lap for a nap, I'm not willing to let go of the thought that this cat could possibly kill me. I've grossly underestimated this fear until my unconscious brain had me visualize them....with spikes.

Beware, humans. We don't know what they're thinking for a reason.

Where the Wild Things Are

My friend Isaac showed me this trailer today for "Where the Wild Things Are." And in a flash, my childhood came back to me.

Let's do some math:
Spike Jonze(director)+ Dave Eggers(screenplay)+ Tom Hanks(producer)+ James Gandolfini(voice)+ Jim Henson Creature Shop(monsters) = I'm excited.



*Not to mention the Arcade Fire song in the trailer....

Should I Be Offended?

The other night, I dreamed that I was dating Jim from The Office. Not Jonathan Krasinski the actor, but Jim from The Office.

It was possibly the best dream ever until he said, "I wish I could date someone with Pam's personality and your looks."

I remember thinking, "That's...not cool."

I woke up a little confused. On one hand, Jim from The Office just told me I was pretty. On the other hand, he told me I didn't have a desirable personality. And for that matter, he's saying Pam can be prettier. I think both of us should be offended.

I will continue to watch Jim with admiration but have resolved to hold him at arm's length.

Just Kick It

My future child will turn out just like this. Un-athletic and really frustrated with balls.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

What Is This Twitter?

I just had the theory behind Twitter explained to me. I don't when Twitter got its start, but I do know that since that start, I've pretended that I knew what it was. People talk about new things all the time and I try my best to not keep up with it too much.

For about a year, I didn't know what podcasts were. People kept saying, "Check out my podcast," or "You can get this show on podcast." What in the world were they talking about? I nodded my head and gave them a knowing look, a shared understanding of what this technology was. I sincerely had no idea and couldn't really be bothered to ask someone.

Today, I took a stand and finally asked my friends, (on the internet no less) what the hell Twitter was. Twitter, as I've come to learn, works like a status bar on a Facebook page. You can update people, in 140 characters, some random tidbit of information that usually does not have a conclusion.

Intrigued as I was, I still didn't understand. That is, until Travis sent me the link to Christopher Walken's Twitter page. I'm not quite sure if this is the real Walken, or some clever person who's channeling his awesomeness. But this page has had my captivated since it was sent to me.

Thanks, Travis. I still don't get it. But I'm wanting to get it more. So thanks.

I Don't Roll on Shabbas

As I've mentioned before, part of my past time at work involves listening to other people's conversations. My favorite character has to be Rudy. Rudy is a very short, angry Jewish man that's better known in a previous blog for yelling, "Get off my letterhead!"

This morning I overheard Rudy yelling, "He's full of shit! That man is full of shit! I'm going to tell him so at Shabbas!"

Rudy is an efficient bad ass. Two birds, one stone. God and shit-talking.