Greg has provided me with the nickname "She-Wolf" because of my amazing abilities to pick up on the smallest noises and the faintest smells. This is a great ability to possess, say if you would like to experience homemade apple pie, go to the symphony, enjoy a quiet day in the woods or appreciate cilantro in spicy salsa.
But when you can hear the opening and closing of a desk neighbor enjoying the insides of fruit or you are listening someone across the subway fight dry mouth while telling a dumb story, I'd like to throw my heightened senses into the proverbial garbage can.
People, close your mouths. I do not need to experience your food with you. It's not that difficult. It's quite simple unless your jaw physically disables you to perform this simple task of human evolution. I give you props for being able to keep your food in your mouth without it spilling out. That's about the only positive thing I can say to you people. You're just gross.
Lock it up.
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