C-Town Town Town and the Lazy Girlz

If I were to promote a new all girls rap group, it would be called "C-Town Town Town and the Lazy Girlz." They would be slouchy, angry girls with gold name plates and pink sparkly cell phones with hit songs like, "I'm on Break."

I found myself involved in a rather angry rant with my refrigerator last night when I realized that there was no meat to be found. C-Town Town Town and the Lazy Girlz strike again!

I hate C-Town. I mean, with a burning passion. The one in my neighborhood is just awful. I'm constantly angry when I leave this institution and wishing that the crew of female miscreants would put down their cell phones for a hot sec and help me bag up my things.

First all, you can't find anything you need. Perhaps this is just across the board in all New York grocery stores, but it's dumb. Dumb, I say. You want some Maraschino cherries? (Okay, not a popular item...but let's say you do.) After looking in every aisle and asking every single employee who all don't seem to know, you'll find them on the bottom shelf near the salad dressing. Hmm. Interesting. A bottle of Vanilla extract? Oh, it's right next to the sprinkles behind the check out. Duh. Toilet paper? Why, it's above your head over the frozen peas! Of course!

Your shopping is done all while dodging the Lazy Girlz of C-Town, who are barreling down the aisles trying to get in as many argumentative cell phone calls as they can during their break. They do not say excuse me. Why would they?!

Finally you make it to the check out. You manage to set things up on the conveyor belt quickly so that you have time to pull out your reusable grocery bags. All the while, you're saying "I don't need a bag." They're texting or looking over your shoulder to watch the next cashier quibble with an older gentlemen over change. They start to bag up your groceries in plastic bags. Pause: Why do people double bag? Honestly. Again you say, "I don't need a bag." They say, "Oh." And completely stop bagging things up and just watch you struggle to make room for your box of cereal and frozen items.

You get home, like I did last night, and realize right around the time that you're ready to make dinner that they've simply forgotten to bag up your meat. (That sentence sounded hilarious.) They've set it aside and just not put it in your bag. If anyone wants six dollars of chicken breast and london broil, be my guest. The Lazy Girlz on C-Town probably still have it sitting on their line.

I know I've been spoiled by living in...let's just say it, a normal part of the country. The kind with wide aisles and actual shopping carts. People who are helpful and know where their products are. Cashiers who would enjoy having you leave with all the products you've purchased sitting happily in your shopping bags. Perhaps we just have to give up certain luxuries to live in this town. I think it's worth it....sometimes.

Look for C-Town Town Town and the Lazy Girlz new video: "Canned Corn? Go fuck yourself."